three poems on love and stigma

December 11, 2005
She didn’t really know you
Under the layers of built up and crumbled walls
That fell down at her feet
She bent down to try and rummage something
Off the ground

That day she thought your hair and eyes were brown
But when the sun began to set
Mysterious strands of golden red appeared
And the ring of revolving light in the hazy green
Enfolded your sorrow with hope and humor

As she gazed at your lips upon
A child’s head
she too could smell the scent
and feel the smoothness
so alive, so engaged
as you continued to drift
distant in your own world
of beautiful reality

Your dark features
Escaped the shadows
As you laughed and spoke
Words of courage and warmth
Inspiring her little by little

Until the clouds came again

Fear to walk her outside
Fear to sit with her and wait
Fear to take her hand
Unsteady painful glances
From impassable depths below
She was powerless
To understand your brokenness
And her own.

And she wondered again
Who you really were

Your constant withdrawal
After the third day
Made her wonder
If you were waiting for the resurrection
from loves vulnerable tomb
But no resurrection came

Thoughts befuddled her
Leaving her paralyzed
from your quiet paralysis
Which you hid behind---
That and all your words
poured out for the world to see
Except for her
Expressing all the love you had for the world
Except for her
And she wondered
if she could ever really know you

you thought she was a puzzle you could pick apart
but you failed to grasp her entirely
and now she lay again in piles waiting to be formed
by another maker’s soul

You crossed the tracks
Without stopping to watch her play
Causing the ring inside her eyes to die

Your red strands are turning dark brown again
and that golden glow among the green is beginning to fade
and you will never know her love
and how much you could have loved her





December 15, 2005
I didn’t want to go to sleep
My body screamed to stay awake
Despite the heavy weight I was carrying
Hoping that another few hours
Would bring some peace and quiet
Hear you whisper something to me
That could put my nerves at ease
Or wrap an arm around me
So that I could lean into your embrace
But the thoughts just got heavier
With no relief---and I awoke
Early enough to hear the shuffling of your feet
When you cleaned your face
Cleared your throat
And walked out the door
Without even looking





November 31, 2005
Turn around
And if you look long enough
You will see these tears
Hit the dusty ground
Falling from this face
Nowhere left to cling to
Turn around and you will see
A head wrapped in cloth
Bowed down in prayer and sorrow
Waiting for you to look or notice
Turn around and you will see
Feet that are ready
To climb mountains with you
Turn around and you will see
A spirit carrying the burden of many
Turn around and face your fear
Love is waiting.