Some Summer Pix Since July Twenty Six...

The XVI International AIDS Conference, Toronto!

I attended the International AIDS conference in Toronto Aug 10-18 with some fellow MCC'ers. You can read our MCC conference blog here:

www.aidscarenow.org

and check out this link!

http://www.christianpost.com/article/20060817/23786.htm

The Idealist J meets the Realist J--a dream i had....

“I wanted to say this for a year.”

“What?”

Back then, I thought, I would have screamed it in your face.

“Well, I think you missed it. You missed out. You chose the safe thing, the beautiful thing, the secure thing. You did what most people do. And in my opinion, you missed the real thing.

You could have had more joy than you thought possible, the most crazy in love foolish, incredible, intense, fruitful and life-giving joy in the world! A life full of sweat and tears, passion….so much passion. And yeah, probably a lot of suffering and pain. But you would have had these moments of laughing so hard that you couldn’t breathe. No-one else could have made you laugh and cry like… and I cant even say…”

its taken me so long to get this out. Its just that I hope you don’t numb your vision, or your ability to live your vision with the steps you are about to take. The steps that in my opinion are playing it safe and are completely boring! When you could have had…the most incredible journey ever. But now you want Boring, my friend, and when you do, you will become what you eat. And the more you get into it right now, the less likely you will be able to see it. You are too attached now. I think looking back, that you just didn’t want any more drama, or unknowing, or mystery, you couldn’t give in to the darkness…. impatience and insecurity evaded what could have been. You have such incredible dreams and ideas and a beautiful heart, but You also don’t know how to rotate around anyone else. That would be too hard for you. You need someone to revolve around you. You need someone to follow you, to worship your vision with you. To give it all up for you. You need those arms, who would do anything and say anything to keep you wrapped in them. It was all about you, and I think it still is. I guess you can’t see it, or I guess you think no one else could have given you that.”

“What! I can’t believe you are saying this! You are way too judgmental, self righteous, or jealous! You have no respect, no grace, or mercy! You don’t understand anything! I do need it and it’s my right and its how I am made! I can’t do it alone anymore…I can’t live on the edge of my seat anymore, hanging off the edge of your dramatic undertones! I can’t sleep anymore if I can’t have that shelter, that food, that bed! I need someone to take care of my needs! All my needs, and you know exactly what they are…..and, I am in love!”

“I know it’s too late to convince you on the stagnation of what beholds you. You fell in love with Boring. Go Ahead. You can’t hold any more contradictions. You would rather choose the secure than what might be painful and difficult. You can’t hold the potential for what it could have been. I can’t say anything else to you any more.”

“You are so wrong, I am finding my true self in this other love for the first time.”

“No, you are losing yourself and you don’t even know it, just ask God who you are and what you were meant to do.”